________________________ [ WWF MONDAY NIGHT RAW ] [________June 8th________] We start the show by replaying Thursday night's Jeff Jarrett interview, in it's entirety. What is this, Nitro? [Opening Credits] It's Raw, and we're here live in - "Kee-rash" - here live in Rockford, Illinois for Monday Night Raw, and we're gonna get started right away with the No. 1 contender to the WWF title, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin! Austin makes his usual determined walk to the ring. Austin : "Holy crap, I gotta ask, is Rockford Illinois ready to see 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin wear the WWF World Heavyweight title? [surveys response] Well that's just about right, so I better tell all you people, to pay your 30 damn bucks, and order the pay-per-view, 'cos I'm telling you right now, that's where it's happening. There's a jackass by the- No, first I want to tell all you people, that once again, Shawn Michaels is back sitting on his ass at San Antonio, pining for Jeff Jarrett, but come June 21st, he's gonna be pining for me. But hell, he's been running scared of Steve Austin all year, and I doubt that's gonna change, but if it does hell, I couldn't give a rat's ass. Now, like I was gonna say, there's a jackass by the name o' Jeff Jarrett, who came out here on Thursday night, and basically talked outta his ass for five minutes. He better talk out of it as much as he can right now, 'cos come King Of The Ring, his ass is gonna be whooped beyond repair. Friends in the east Jeff? Your friends in the east can meet me down south, and kiss my goddamn ass. [Chuckles] Friends in the east. Jeff, I took your friends in the east and ran them the hell outta town, and that's exactly what I'm gonna do to you son, whether the show's in Philadelphia or not. But people, don't buy this pay-per-view if you expect to see Shane Douglas or any other ECW jackass show up, 'cos the whole stinkin' federation has AA meetings every goddamn Sunday night, and that's a goddamn fact. So Jarrett, you can walk out, come out on tv when you know I ain't there, and you can act like some kind of bigshot all you want. Shawn Michaels couldn't get the job done, but "Stone Cold" Steve Austin sure as hell will, and that's the bottom line, 'cause Stone Cold said so!" Austin charges back down the aisle from wence he came, leaving the crowd happy, and leaving the pay-per-view suitably plugged. Now then, we're live in Rockford, Illinois with one hell of a show in store. In King Of The Ring action, the European champion Adam Bomb will face tag champion Bob Holly, and the tag champions will also face Owen Hart and The British Bulldog! Plus, Dustin Runnels says he'll, well, he says he'll do something tonight, and we'll catch it all live! Fit Finlay will be in action as well, and Brian Adams and Savio Vega will meet the Hardy Boyz! We're all set to go to ringside for our opening match, Silver King is already in the ring, when we move to the outside of the arena as a limousine pulls up. The door opens and out steps... Devon Storm [w/the WWF Crusierweight Title Belt] vs Silver King - Lock-up! Clean break, and Storm then decides that's more than enough actual wrestling for now, and leaves the ring and grabs a steel chair. The WWF feels there's no place for this kind of garbage style wrestling, so we move back to the limo. Did someone turn on WCW? Anyway, we see the limo depart, it's inhabitants apparently already in the arena. - Back to the ring, where we see Silver King fly off the top rope and nail Storm with a dropkick. King follows it up by executing a belly to belly suplex, then locks the Dangerous one in an armbar. Some lock, as Storm breaks contact between the two almost immediately. King keeps the advantage by hitting a suplex, but Storm soon gets control by nailing Silver with a jumping side kick. Elbowdrop from the second rope gets a two count, so Devon decides that going to the top rope is SURE to win him the match! Jackass, that only works when the booker is a mathematician, and ask Mrs Brown, I AIN'T NO MATHEMATICIAN! I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO *SPELL* MATHEMATICIAN! - Sooooo, it all ends up with Silver King bouncing Storm off the mat with a tombstone, and getting a two count of his own. Some boring stuff..., then King hits a powerbomb and gets another two count, then makes Storm look a fool by giving him an Airplane spin. King let's Devon fall to the mat- IT'S THE WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION CRUSIERWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD!!! - Chris Chetti charges into the ring and goes after Storm! Storm pulls King in the way of Chetti's outstretched arm though, and the referee calls for the bell. As Chetti looks down at the fallen Silver King, Storm slips out of the ring, grabs his title belt, and runs away down the aisle. Chetti then looks up and, seeing that Storm has disappeared, starts running on down the aisle after him. We take a break as Chetti runs to the back. [Commerci- ohmygodwaitaminute Silver King defeated Devon Storm by disqualification in 0:03:24. Rating: 3/4* Phew. We now take a break. [Commercials] We return to see the brackets of the KOTR Tournament. Savio Vega_____ ]______________ Dustin Runnels_] ] ]________________ Mark Henry_____ ] ] ]______________] ] Chris Benoit___] ] ]____________ The Rock_______ ] ] ]_The Rock_____ ] ] Owen Hart______] ] ] ] ]________________] ] Adam Bomb______ ] ] ]______________] ] Bob Holly______] ] ]____________ Marc Mero______ ] ]_Marc Mero____ ] Bart Gunn______] ] ] ]_______________ ] Brian Adams____ ] ] ] ]_Billy Gunn___] ] ] Billy Gunn_____] ] ] ]_____________] Triple-H_______ ] ]_Triple-H_____ ] B. Christopher_] ] ] ]_______________] P. Oulette_____ ] ]_P.Oulette____] Booker T_______] Adam Bomb vs Bob Holly is up later, but right now, we're gonna see Bob Holly team up with Bart Gunn to take on The British Bulldog and Owen Hart. Well, not *right* now, first we're gonna go backstage where Bob Holly and Bart Gunn are standing by with Michael Cole. It's just Bob Holly apparently. Cole : "I'm standing here with one half of the WWF Tag Champions, Bob Holly, and I guess my first question is, where's Bart?" Holly : "I have no idea wh-" The camera cuts to Bart Gunn, who's standing in the ring. Holly : "What the hell? How'd that happen? Anyway, here tonight, all you people in Landfillinois, hahaha, are gonna get the privelidge of seeing 'Bodacious' Bob Holly wrestle *twice* in one night. First of all, Adam Bomb, you nuclear cartoon freak, you step in the ring with me tonight, you're gonna get a wrestling *lesson*. Yeah, that's right, *I'm* gonna be the teacher, and you're gonna be some punk kid or something. And Owen, Bulldog? I don't know *why* we've been signed to face you. Is it sweeps month? Bottom line though, is we're gonna beat you here tonight, and make sure that you *never* get a title shot." Bart Gunn arrives in the interview area. Gunn : "Ah man, I finally got here. Why'd they have the interview room all the way back here?" Holly : "Never mind that now man, we gotta go to the ring." Gunn : "Now? Ah sh- We return to ringside for the introductions of Owen Hart and The Bulldog. Both men come out seperately. No reason, we're just killing time. Then it's the champs who make their entrance, the title belts are nowhere to be seen. [Tag Champions] The New Midnight Express vs Owen Hart/Davey Boy Smith [Non-title match] - A confident looking Bob Holly starts things off, and gets gut wrench suplexed by Owen right away. Whip into the ropes then a shoulderblock by Hart puts Holly to the mat again. Hiptoss from Owen, then more wrestling-related action. The Express then takes control as Holly gets out of the way of a Russian legsweep and hits Owen with an elbowsmash. Then a tag in to Gunn, who gives Owen a left hand, [which amazingly doesn't knock Hart out, maybe Bart Gunn isn't THE TOUGHEST AND MOST POWERFUL PUNCHER IN THE ENTIRE WORLD like most websites seem to think, what a load of crap. He got a lucky left in against Dr Death, and all of a sudden he's facing Tank Abbott at Wrestlemania. What a joke. AGH, wait a minute, I'm breaking some form of kayfabe here...] Anyway, inside cradle gets Gunn a two count. Holly then re-enters the ring and attempts to get at Owen too, but the Bulldog enters the ring and tosses Holly back out. Just because he can, Smith then gives Gunn a suplex. What a hypocritical jerk, but he's English so it's cool. In the meantime, Owen has moved up to the top turnbuckle. After sitting there for a while he realises he'd better do something, so he aims a flying dropkick at Gunn, who's now been left on his own in the centre of the ring. Way off target, Gunn ducks out of the way. This paragraph is way too long, let's take a new- - Ah, so much better. Owen then tags in Smith legit, and Davey Boy goes up top and then nails Gunn with a flying clothesline. A vertical suplex follows, then Bart finds himself dropkicked out of the ring. Then it's posedown time for the Bulldog, as Gunn gathers himself on the floor. Smith meets Gunn with a knee to the chest when Bart returns to the squared circle, then sets him up for another suplex. Gunn blocks it though, then gives Bulldog a swift kick to the Bulldog's groinal area. Smith groans and falls to the mat, and it's now time for Bob Holly to return to action. Holly trips on the ropes coming in, and falls on his ass. Oh God, that's funny. A little slapstick comedy at your expense Bob, thanks for playing along [tm Dick Dietrick]. Holly gets up to his feet and then hits Smith with an elbowdrop. Cover for two, then Holly puts Davey Boy in a headlock. He keeps the hold on for a while, so how about another 'Nightstand with Dick Dietrick' qoute? Okay, erm, on listening : "I believe ears play a big part in the process. Heck, if we didn't have ears our heads would look like canned hams with hair. And who would want to eat that?" Wonderful. - Back to live action, did we ever leave?, and both men are now on their feet. Not for long though, as Holly executes a back suplex. The Bodacious one whips Smith into the ropes, but the Bulldog ducks a clothesline, then comes back and executes a sidewalk slam! Smith covers, but Bart breaks it up with a boot to Bulldog's head. The referee herds Gunn out as Smith goes up to the top rope again. Another flying clothesline is hit, and Smith hooks the leg for another cover. one... two... thr- [Commercials] - Holly kicked out at the last second apparently, as the match is still going when we return. Both Owen and Bulldog are in the ring at this point, double-teaming Holly. They hit a double clothesline, then Smith leaves the ring, the tag obviously having been made to Owen. Hart goes for an enzirguiri, but Holly ducks out of the way and Owen hits the canvas. Holly takes a brief moment to get his head together, then he executes a snap mare on Hart. Then a whip into the ropes, but Hart back drops him to the mat and retakes control. Holly's been in the ring for a good few minutes now and really should think about making a tag. Hart's doing his thinking for him though, as he drags him over to *his* corner, and then makes the tag to the Bulldog. Bulldog gives Bob a right hand. Holly screams and throws it to the mat immediately. These shock horror tactics may work with those sick bastards in Leeds, but they ain't working here, and the referee admonishes Smith. Okay, so that didn't actually happen, and it wasn't even particularly funny. But damnit, I ain't taking it out! Smith then goes for a sleeper hold, but Holly scrambles and forces his way to the ropes. Holly then catches Davey Boy with an elbow, then gets to his corner and finally makes the tag to Gunn. New combatant, new paragraph. - Gunn comes in, and after ducking a Bulldog clothesline, he executes an atomic drop on Davey Boy. he then gives him a boot to the chest, but the Bulldog gives him one right back! Left hand from Gunn, left hand from Davey Boy! Gunn then breaks this little back and forth thing with a rake to the eyes, then whips Smith to the ropes. Dropkick from the Bulldog! Tag in to Owen, who climbs to the top, and then gives Holly a dropkick from behind. Hart then goes for the Sharpshooter, but Gunn wriggles and scrambles like all hell, and eventually gets to the ropes. Bart stands up then gets hit by a clothesline, then hart returns to the top again. Flying cross-body block gets a two count, and then Owe- - Sid and Vader walk to the ring. Bastards, this was evolving into a long and decent match. Oh lord, coincidence of coincidences, as Sid and Vader stride down, a wayward arm from Bart Gunn makes contact with the referee, and the match is, for now, unsupervised. When the teacher's away the kids will play, and Sid enters the ring. Vader goes round to meet the Bulldog, and those two start brawling as Sid goes after Owen. One thing leads to another, and Owen ends up being powerbombed. From the top buckle! The Express stay out of this mess, and suffice to say, Hart is out cold. Sid leaves, and we then cut to a quick replay of what happened between Vader and The Bulldog, powerbomb on the concrete, and he's out cold on the floor as well. Gunn then goes down and hooks Hart's leg for the cover, and e... v... e... n... t... u... a... l... l... y the referee crawls across and counts to three. The champs win, and that's gotta hurt Owen/Bulldog's chances of getting a title shot. Can't hurt Vader and Sid's chances either. The New Midnight Express defeated Davey Boy Smith and Owen Hart when Bart Gunn pinned O.Hart in 0:10:05. Rating: 1/2* Owen and Bulldog are helped away from the ring by officials, but the Express stay in the ring to showboat and celebrate. Dumbasses, now Sid and Vader have come back out. The champs don't see them till it's too late, and after a big beating and some brutal powerbombs, the Express do a stretcher job. This may be the first ever stretcher job in WWF history! [Well, not including the Godwinns on the first ever Raw, but damnit, who wants to remember *that* monstrosity of a show? Absolutely terrible. What was I thinking making PIG and HOG the focal point of my first card? AAAAGGGHHH! Where was I?] As we see tonight's King Of The Ring match go up in smoke, we go to another ad break. But first, the second ever WWF Flashback! [WWF FlashBack - Sponsored by Artline] [January 4th Monday Night Raw] Jesse Jammes and Billy Gunn charge to ringside, brandishing steel chairs. The two men attack Henry from behind. Phinneas goes to help his younger brother (cousin?), but he is knocked down from behind by Hunter Hearst Helmsley who had made way his to the ring through the crowd. The beating continues until the ring fills up with officials. The Godwinns are laid out unconscious in the middle of the ring, with blood all over them. [Sponsored by Artline] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Damnit. Who got that past Quality Control? Fuckers. [Commercials] We hear there's a replacement wrestler in place for tonight's KOTR match, but we won't find out who it is till the match itself. Hey, d'ya think it's that guy who was in the limo? It'd make that seemingly pointless limo spot earlier a bit more relevant. Now here come the Headbangers! Fresh off their job to the Hardy Boyz, they're here for more exciting tag team action! And their opponents are... Chris Benoit? Benoit heads to the ring on his own, and takes a microphone when he gets there. Benoit : "I was gonna have a partner for this one, but I guess Dustin Runnels ain't here. He called me on Thursday night after Thunder, and started babbling about some revolution. He said he'd set up a tag match against the Headbangers, and that everything would be revealed tonight. Well, I went to his dressing room earlier tonight, empty. I've been trying to find him all night, and- The light's in the arena go out. Oh crap, he didn't mean- [24 Karat Gold Productions Present] [A Shattered Dreams Production] [Goldust] The gold light's come on, the gold paper begins to fall, and then there he is. Emerging from the curtains, long blonde wig et all, Goldust. And he's got his wife with him! Marlena, who I guess get's the distinction of being the first manager in WWF history, walks to the ring, holding a gold envelope. Goldust stays at the curtain, participating in some mental masturbation as Marlena enters the ring and hands the envelope to Benoit, then blows him a kiss and leaves. Goldust and Marlena then return behind the curtains as Benoit opens the envelope and takes out the note. We don't get to see what it says, but it obviously angers Benoit, and he rips it to pieces and storms out of the ring, apparently going after Goldust. Well this is all fine and dandy, but what about our tag match? Mosh and Thrasher look at each other, laugh, and then walk on out. Don't worry guys, we'll find a team for you to job to on Thunder. Fit Finlay's in action next! [WWF King Of The Ring Promo] [June 21st] [Only On Pay-Per-View] [See Jeff Jarrett and Steve Austin duke it out for the world] [title, as well as a one night 8 man tournament! Cable tv ] [doesn't deserve such great action! Order now for just $30! ] Cut to earlier shots of the limo. Man, it was a BIG limo. Bet you could fit a five hundred pound guy in there. But I digress. Hack Myers is in the ring when we come back, and the Irishman is on his way down the aisle. Finlay mutters something to the camera about not being included in the King Of The Ring, but who cares, he's Irish. Fit Finlay vs Hack Myers - Straight out of the lock-up, Finlay hoists Myers up in a fireman's carry and then dumps him down to the canvas. He then follows the big man down and keeps him down with an armbar. Myers eventually grabs onto the ropes after around thirty seconds, and Fit let's him up. Finlay keeps the advantage though, with two dropkicks in succession, then tosses Hack to the floor. Finlay waits for the former European champion to return to the ring, and when he does Fit nails him with a knee. Chops and kicks in the corner, then Finlay executes an armdrag takedown to get Hack into the middle of the ring. Kneedrop, and then a cover for two. This match is gonna get a crappy rating. Bodyslam, then Fit takes Myers to the corner again and hits him with some more Flair chops. Whip into the ropes from Finlay, but Myers catches him in a small package out of nowhere for a two count. Finlay jumps right up and nails Hack with a right hand, retaining the advantage. Powerbomb and Myers is on the mat again. This is a long match report for a squash match. Finlay then goes to drop an elbow, and misses! Oh no wait, he hit the elbow, then he hoists Myers up for the Tombstone Piledriver and bounces Hack's head off the mat. If this doesn't win the ratings war for the WWF, what will? Fit Finlay pinned Hack Myers with the Tombstone Piledriver in 0:03:06. Rating: 1/4* Finlay gets another win in the column, and Hack leaves to fight another day. But he doesn't care, he's a former European Champion! Geez, I hope they don't use *that* for an installment of [WWF Flashback - Sponsored by Artline]. We now go to footage from earlier tonight of the Sid/Vader destruction of the WWF Tag Team Champions. Will Bob Holly forfeit his slot in the King Of The Ring? It's not his choice, and a replacement wrestler has been found. Holly's gonna have something to say about that when he comes out of hospital, but what can we do now? There's two men now [Bob Holly and the mystery guy], and I can only fill one slot. Hey, I think that was another Dick Dietrick qoute. [You know what? I think every *joke* I've made in this show so far has gone over *everybodies* head. But damnit, I'm not taking them out!] Pay-Per-View announcement : King Of The Ring is just two weeks away, but that's not the only ppv headed your way! Mark your calenders for July 19th, as the WWF invades your home once again for 'WWF In Your House IV : The Last Chance Saloon'. It promises to be another awesome WWF event! Tag Team action coming up next! [Commercials] Welcome back readers. The four men are already in the ring. Brian Adams/Savio Vega vs The Hardy Boyz - Vega and Hardy lock-up to start, and Vega takes the advantage. A vicous chop from Savio, and Hardy is then shoved into the corner. Boots and fists from Vega, then he goes to whip Matt into the opposite corner, but Hardy reverses. Vega reverses it again, and Hardy goes into the turnbuckle. Vega charges in, but meets a boot to the face. Savio staggers back, and Matt executes a reverse bulldog on him! Hardy covers, but Savio easily kicks out after just one. Matt then hits a spinning leg lariat when Vega gets to his feet, then executes a perfect springboard dropkick. Matt then tags in Jeff, who enters the ring with a chair. He lays Vega against the ropes, then springs off the chair attempting a clothesline. Savio moves out of the way though, and Jeff ends up stunn gunning himself on the top rope. Vega tags in Crush for the first time in the match, and the two men whip Jeff into the ropes. They go for a double clothesline, but Hardy ducks out of the way, turns back, and then floors them both with a clothesline of his own. Vega leaves the ring, and Adams is taken into the corner, and eats a few right hands before being armdragged across the ring. Adams grabs control of the match though when he ducks a Hardy clothesline moments later, then sends Jeff crashing to the canvas with a lariat. - Elbowdrop from Crush gets two. Another two count with a fistdrop, then Savio tries to enter the ring and engage in some kind of doubleteam manouever, but Matt jumps in over the top rope and takes out Vega with a dropkick. He then hits Adams with a springboard dropkick, leading Jeff to execute a Victory roll on Crush for a two count. A Flying dropkick/Standing Moonsault combo gets Jeff another two count. Vega then walks in again, and again it proves to be costly for his time, as both he and Crush end up victim to a double clothesline again. Inside cradle on Adams- one... two... - kickout by Crush. Hardy then goes up to the top rope, and then let's fly with a 450 splash. Knee's up! Hardy rolls over clutching his chest, and now it's the race for the hot tag. Neither man tags out actually, as Adams pulls Jeff back into the centre of the ring just as he's about to tag his brother. Crush pulls Hardy up to his feet and rakes his eyes, then executes a spinebuster slam for a one count. Then to the floor, and soon all four men get involved. After a period of kick and punch brawling, Adams manages to nail Matt with a piledriver on the concrete! Matt's out cold, and Adams tosses him back into the ring. Tilt-a-whirl slam! Matt ain't the legal Hardy, but the ref doesn't care and counts the three count! Brian Adams and Savio Vega defeated The Hardy Boyz when B.Adams pinned M.Hardy with the Tilt-a-Whirl Slam in 0:06:19 Rating : * One star! The highest rating so far tonight, in match number 4. Incredible action. Now we go back to see footage of Sid and Vader kicking ass earlier in the show. Then to Sid, who's backstage in the interview room. Sid : "It's about TIME, It's about TIME the WWF started paying attention! TONIGHT, Owen/Bulldog are OUT! TONIGHT, we took out the New Midnight Express! The World Tag Team titles aren't going anywhere but RIGHT HERE! [Points to his waist] Anyone who steps in the way, anyone who goes out and tries to be the tag team to beat, is gonna fall by the wayside!" The camera cuts to the ring, Vader is taking out Savio Vega. Back to Sid : Sid : "Haha, that's right!" Vader powerbombs Vega, Adams is nowhere to be seen. The Hardyz have disappeared as well. Vader then departs the area, and officials tend to Savio as we cut back to footage of Bob Holly been taken out on a stretcher earlier. [Commercials] It's about time for the scheduled King Of The Ring match between Adam Bomb and Bob Holly, but you just saw the footage, Bob Holly isn't here. So who is? [King Of The Ring Qualifier] [Winner faces The Rock] [European Champion] Adam Bomb vs The camera cuts to the curtains, and a short fat man appears. Oh man, is this gonna be painful. Oscar : "Well here comes Mabel and he's coming in, He's gonna kick some ass all over the ring, And when he gets done he's gonna shake his ass, And clothesline every guy who tries to make a pass, Say May-bel. Say May, May Say Mabel On A Mission! Now Jump! Now we're bout to get started so here we go, He's gonna beat this guy up, high and low, He's gonna drop 5 hundred pounds on this guy's chest, 'Cos he is Mabel and he is the best, Say May-Bel, Say May, May! Say Mabel On A Mission! Now Jump! Well now is the time for the match to begin, It's time for Mabel, to kick ass and win, 'Cos he's a Man on A Mission and you will see, He'll win every match just for you and me! Sing May-Bel! Say May May! Say Mabel On A Mission! Now Jump!" The big man Mabel follows his rapping buddy Oscar out as Adam Bomb watches from in the ring. As Mabel enters the ring by stepping over the top rope, you've gotta feel that Bomb would rather be facing Bob Holly. But, what can you do? [King Of The Ring Qualifier] [Winner faces The Rock] [European Champion] Adam Bomb vs Mabel - Oh dear. Bomb charges at Mabel, but he moves out of the way, and Bomb goes straight into Oscar, who was standing on the apron. Oscar bashes the European champ with the microphone, and Bomb falls to the mat unconscious. Elbowdrop from Mabel and - one... two... three! Unbelievable! Mabel pinned Adam Bomb with an elbowdrop in 0:00:08 Rating : 1/2* [Now that's gotta hurt. Bulldog/Owen and The Express went at it for ten minutes, and it got the same rating as a one move match between Adam Bomb and Mabel. (shakes head)] Mabel starts grooving in the ring as Bomb rolls out, and it looks like Mabel will face the Rock at the King Of The Ring! We go off the air with a look at the updated bracket. Savio Vega_____ ]______________ Dustin Runnels_] ] ]________________ Mark Henry_____ ] ] ]______________] ] Chris Benoit___] ] ]____________ The Rock_______ ] ] ]_The Rock_____ ] ] Owen Hart______] ] ] ] ]________________] ] Adam Bomb______ ] ] ]_Mabel________] ] Mabel__________] ] ]____________ Marc Mero______ ] ]_Marc Mero____ ] Bart Gunn______] ] ] ]_______________ ] Brian Adams____ ] ] ] ]_Billy Gunn___] ] ] Billy Gunn_____] ] ] ]_____________] Triple-H_______ ] ]_Triple-H_____ ] B. Christopher_] ] ] ]_______________] P. Oulette_____ ] ]_P.Oulette____] Booker T_______] Goodnight everybody!