LIVE ON THE U.S.A. NETWORK : 21:00 - 22:30
July 6th 1998 : East Rutherford, New Jersey
We're outdoors to start, and we see a limosuine pull up.
Hmmm, now what's this? Looks like the WWF Champion is getting ready for a trip. Bart Gunn enters one side of the limosuine as Jarrett turns to the camera.
Jarrett : 'Hey y'all. We thought about coming down to the arena, but we took a look at the place earlier today, and it was disgusting! Steve Austin'd be right at home there, though I guess maybe not. Oh wait, you people don't know about that yet [laughs]. Anyway, we're gonna take this little handicam, and maybe we'll see you a little later. For now, I'm the World Wrestling Federation Champion, saying adios.'
Of course, in true *Nitro* style, Ross and guest host Jerry Lawler didn't see this little segment.
-Opening Credits-
It's Monday Night Raw folks, the WWF's number one show, and it's a blockbuster tonight! The Intercontinental Championship will be on the line, it's The Rock against Goldust! Hunter Hearst Helmsley is gonna take on 'The British Bulldog' Davey Boy Smith, plus The Headhunters will make their WWF return! It's a night for big wrestling matches guys, making up for Thursday night's debacle. But of course, it's Raw, which means we start off with-
'Kee-rash'
Well, actually no. When we last saw Steve Austin, he was out cold in the middle of the ring, following a Mabel belly to belly suplex. That wasn't the only run in with the big man that Austin had this past Thursday night, when the MDO attacked him earlier in the show in his dressing room. FIVE big splashes from Mabel took it's toll on the chest area of Austin, official analysis : Three broken ribs. So Austin's on the shelf, less than two weeks away from In Your House IV.
We're here for ninety minutes tonight! It'a July 6th 1998, which means it's The Goldberg Show over on TNT. To win the ratings, we're going long.
To the ring!
'Yes Yes Yes... No No No...'
Harlem Heat make their way to ringside, as we hear from JR that Hunter Hearst Helmsley has accepted Booker T's challenge for In Your House. So Booker's got a match at the pay-per-view, but what about Stevie Ray? Talk about an anti-climactic return for Harlem Heat.
'It's time... It's time... It's.. Vader.. Time!'
This is gonna be one hell of a big tag match here, as the Masters Of The Powerbomb make a slow entrance. Strap on your seatbelts folks, we're about to crash into a brick wall of power.
Harlem Heat vs The Masters Of The Powerbomb
In the battle of the big men who seem to be overshadowed by their partners, it's Stevie Ray and Vader who get things started. Biiiiiiig long staredown ensues, before they finally lockup. Eye rake from Stevie, but his whipping of Vader into the ropes ends up costing him an elbow to the face. Despite the fact that Stevie Ray didn't get anything from it, Vader decides that that whip idea is a good one, and promptly does it himself. Stevie ends up ducking a Vader clothesline, turns, and then slaps the R.M.B. in the face. Oh you silly boy. Vader clubs him upside the head repeatedly, then slams him to the mat. Vader drops an elbow across the chest of Stevie, then leaves him be while he asks New Jersey the time.
For Stevie Ray, it's time to get up off the canvas, 'cos there's a big splash a-coming, and it doesn't look too pleasant. Unfortunately, Ray forgot to change his clocks to Eastern Time on the flight, and ends up getting squashed by Vader. Cover for two, and Vader seems a little surprised at this. Apparently when he was told to squash Stevie, he thought that meant a sixty second victory. Regardless, Vader hits another elbowdrop, then drags him over to the awaiting Sycho Sid. The tag is made and Sid enters, but despite the referee's protests Vader stays in the ring as well, and the MOTP execute a double chokeslam on Ray.
Booker's had enough of seeing his useless older brother dominated, and steps through the ropes to herd Vader out. Vader makes a *come on* gesture and Booker's all too willing to, but the ref says that three men in the ring is enough, and blocks Booker's path. That's the cue for Vader and Sid to start illegally choking Stevie, though by the time the ref's finished explaining Greek mythology with Booker, the choking has ended and Sid and Stevie are now alone in mid-ring. Sid whips Ray into the ropes, then nails him on the return with a clothesline. Stomp. Stomp. A legdrop off the ropes leads to the second two count of the match. A reverse chinlock from Sid [is he tired already?] gives the commentators chance to run down the rest of tonight's huge card :
We already know of Triple-H versus the Bulldog, The Rock and Goldust, and the return of the Headhunters, but that's not all. Owen Hart's gonna take on Brian Christopher, plus Billy Gunn will take on Pierre Oulette of the Million Dollar Organisation. I think that's about it, the WWF Champion should be making a cameo appearance as well. Back to the match, and Stevie looks like he's finally showing some signs of life. Sid still has the hold locked on, but Ray's now up on his feet. Booker T's shouting support from the apron, and now Stevie's elbowing his way out of the hold. He gets out, then nails Sid with a right hand. Sid fires back with a fist of his own, and this punching trade goes on for a while, before Stevie takes the big man's legs out from under him with a hard kick to the back of Sid's knee.
Stevie isn't quite as quick to tag out as Booker would've hoped, as he collpased to the mat and roughly the same time Sid did. It's Sid who ends up tagging out first, but Vader trips on the middle rope entering the ring, and this delay gives Ray the time to tag Booker in. Yay! Vader charges right at Booker with a clothesline, but Booker ducks out of the way, then superkicks Vader right in the face! He ain't Shawn Michaels though, so Vader ain't unconscious, he is however dazed. Boot to the chest from Booker doubles his opponent over, then it's off the ropes with an axe kick! Booker's a house on fire! Hooo! When Vader gets back up to his feet, Booker hammers away with his right hand, then clotheslines the Rocky Mountain Beast out of the ring. Hooo! OGB Baby!
Vader gathers his thoughts on the floor, and Sid jumps down from the apron to confer. They're paying too much attention to each other though, and are nailed from behind by Booker with a double clothesline. Sid ends up getting sent headfirst into the railing, and Vader gets rolled back inside the ring. Booker sends him for the ride, then a kneelift puts Vader on the canvas. Hooo! Booker's going up top, the signal for the Missile Dropkick has been made. Unfortunately, Booker chose the wrong corner to climb up, as Sid happens to be in the near vicinity, and he shoves him off the top down to the floor. Booker goes down hard, and he's holding his right leg in pain as we cut out to a commercial break.
[Commercials]
When we return, Ally's decided that the only thing for her to do is tell Richard she can't take the case, and- oh crap.
*click*
When we return, Sid's choking Booker out in the corner. Courtesey of JR, what took place during the break was as follows : Vader had his way with Booker for a while, before he missed a splash and Booker was able to tag his partner back in. Ray hammered the hell out of Vader and Sid, showing he isn't *completely* useless, but he ended up being chokeslammed by Sid into his own corner, and Booker was back in the ring sooner than he expected. And Sid's been dominating Booker up to this point.
The referee reaches a count of five and tells Sid to break the choke, which he does. Sid then racks his brain, going over his mental movelist several times, before deciding to return to the choke. When the ref threatens disqualification, Sid gives up on the choke for good, and pulls Booker out of the corner. Whip into the ropes, big boot to the face. Cover, two count. Camel Clutch is applied. After thirty seconds of this exciting manouveur, Stevie Ray enters the ring and gives Sid a kick to the back, breaking the hold. Sid's pissed. How can he maintain his perfect record of negative match ratings if people go and break his boring restholds? Ray returns to the apron, and Sid goes over to the Heat corner and knocks him off said apron with a right hand. Should've been paying attention to the legal man Sid, as Booker rolls him up from behind-
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Sid's out of the roll up, and he jumps up to his feet and attempts to nail Booker with a lariat, but Booker ducks and nails a side kick! Hooo! Tag to Stevie. Meanwhile, tag to Vader. Presto Chango! Ray nails Vader with a forearm smash, then takes him to the mat with a suplex. An impressive feat. An elbow gets dropped, two count. Stevie starts to choke him down on the mat, but breaks before the ref's count hits five. Backbreaker gets Ray another two count. Yawn, get Booker back in. Ray *does* leave the ring a few seconds later, but that's only when an attempted over the top clothesline on Vader results in both men going to the floor via the momentum. Ouch, Ray doesn't look too good after smashing his face on the guardrail on his way down. The camera quickly cuts away as we see the blood on the Heat member's face, and we cut over to Booker, who's decided to make his way over to his brother.
Booker goes over to pull Stevie up to his feet, but he ends up shoved down by Sid, who's also decided to join this little party on the floor. Vader's now up on his feet, and he starts to climb back into the ring, but it's too late. Double countout.
Harlem Heat and Vader and Sid battled to a double countout in 0:10:19. Rating: -** 1/2
This is the greatest Raw ever! A screwjob match with a negative rating? What a way to kick things off. Hunter Hearst Helmsley is on hand.
Backstage : Interview area.
**Triple-H Disclaimer: The views of Hunter Hearst Helmsley do _not_correspond with the views of Lee Kelsall, or the WWF. **
Triple-H : 'Hey Booker T. I just saw you getting your ass kicked by Sid and Vader, and I hope you got used to that beating, because that's exactly what's gonna happen at In Your House. I beat you before, and I think you're letting your emotions get in the way of your brains pal. July 19th, In Your House? We're gonna be in New York for a street fight yeah? Well, let's pretend it's an *LA* street fight. And Booker T, me and you in an LA street fight? I got two words for ya Booker : Rodney King.'
Asshole. Helmsley's gonna be facing Davey Boy Smith later in the show, but in just a few moments, we're gonna be seeing, in a match that was originally scheduled for Thursday night, Owen Hart take on Brian Christopher. But first, back to June 15th, the last time Booker T and Helmsley locked it up.
*** Booker is literally beating the living shit out of Hunter here, as he rams his face into the aisle guardrail several times. Then he takes Helmsley's face and introduces it to the concrete floor over and over again. Finally he pulls Hunter in the direction of the ring, wait, no, he's pulling him backstage. Yay! Backstage Brawl! After tossing him through the curtains, Booker proceeds to hammer Hunter with right hands, then rams him into a nearby wall. Hey, look Mike Chiota! Get out of the way Mike. Helmsley gets thrown into a drinks covered table, then Booker aims a dropkick at him as he gets to his feet. Booker obviously hurts himself executing that particular move, as he hits the concrete as well. Both men then get up to their feet first though, Hunter shaking his hair to get some of the drink liquid out of it, then Helmsley gives Booker a knee to the chest. Uppercut, and Booker falls to the floor once again. He then pulls him over to where the broken drinks table lies in half, and sets him up for the Pedigree! ***
Booker ended up winning that match by DQ, but it's apparently gonna be *no* dq, and no countout on July 19th.
Promo : WWF In Your House IV 'The Last Chance Saloon'
On April 6th 1998, the wrestling world turned on it's head as WWF betrayer Jeff Jarrett took the World Heavyweight Title, defeating Shawn Michaels in controversial fashion. Michaels was determined to get the gold back around his waist. But he failed. Three times. On July 19th, this truly *will* be Shawn Michaels' last chance at a shot at the gold, as he and 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin step into...
The Last Chance Saloon. Only on Pay-Per-View!
Brian Christopher's in the ring. No televised entrance = No push in the forseeable future. Sorry kid. Give your old pal Jarrett a call.
Brian Christopher vs Owen Hart
Christopher gets the first offence of the match in, nailing Owen with a fist to the chest, then scooping and slamming him. Brian thinks there's no point in doing anything stupid like, say, following that up, so Hart is then allowed back up to his feet. Another lockup, Christopher gets Owen in a standing side headlock. Hart pushes Brian into the ropes, nails him with an elbowsmash, then nails him with a double underhook suplex! Flying dropkick from Owen! Christopher backs off, and takes a breather on the floor before Hart can keep his momentum.
Upon his return, Christopher and Owen perform lock-up #3, and Owen ends up shoving Brian to the mat. Christopher springs up, but Hart takes him down with an armdrag, then starts to work on the arm via armBAR. Brian gets up though, but Owen maintains hold of the arm and executes an armtwist, then jumps up and takes Christopher back down to the mat with a spinning headscissors. Owen rules. Give him his damn tag team belt back Vince. Hart works on the arm some more. The armbar is broken though as Christopher gets himself over to the ropes and grabs the bottom rung with his free arm. Hart says fine, you don't want the armbar? Then take this piledriver instead. Brian looks like he's dead, but remembers just before the three count that this isn't Memphis, so he gets his left shoulder up.
Hart pulls Christopher up, then smacks him back down to the canvas with a Russian legsweep. Sharpshooter coming up! Owen can only get it half way applied before BC grabs onto the bottom rope. Owen pulls him up again, then it's a belly to belly suplex for a one count. Whip into the ropes, and Christopher finally gets some offence in by ducking a Hart clothesline, then spinning round and nailing a DDT. He covers for two, then slowly gets Owen up to his feet and starts pounding him with his fists. Whip into the buckle, avalanche clothesline from Brian. To the other corner, another clothesline gets hit. Ten right hands in the corner. Bodyslam from Christopher places Hart in mid-ring, and Brian nails him with an elbowdrop before making his way up to the top rope. Flying legdrop from Christopher!
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And the shoulder's up. Christopher drops another elbow across Hart's chest, then decides to try again from the top turnbuckle. Flying legdrop number 2 coming up.... No! Hart rolls out of the way, springs up to his feet, then goes for the Sharpshooter again! He's got it! Christopher screams in pain for about fifteen seconds, but he ain't going nowhere. He submits, and Owen gets the win.
Owen Hart made Brian Christopher submit to the Sharpshooter in 0:05:32. Rating: * 1/2
Decent match, and no commercial interruption! How about that? As Owen has his arm raised by the referee, Ross decides to run down the In Your House card so far :
We'll be right back after this commercial break, with the return of the Headhunters.
[Commercials]
But first, we cut to the back, where Stevie Ray has shown up in the interview area.
Ray : 'Hey, let me get a little airtime here! Vader? You wanna bust my face open on the railing? Son of a bitch, I ain't takin' that! My man Booker, he's got a match at In Your House with that ratbastard mother[ahem] Triple-H, and I know Sid's in the four-way. So how about you and me get it on, ya fat bastard? Give me an answer tonight, or I'll come down to your dressing room and pound one outta ya!'
I guess we can probably add Stevie Ray vs Vader to the IYH line-up. Back to the ring.
The Headhunters vs Joel Deaton/Hack 'Hey Joe' Myers
Myers tries to get things off to a flying start by coming off the top rope for a clothesline, but Headhunter #1 manages to catch him, then spin him round and down with a powerslam. Sweet start to the match. Quick tag out to #2, who unleashes a series of stomps to Myers' abdomen. Backsuplex attempt from #2, but Myers ends up countering with a bulldog! Myers with a headbutt, then he whips #2 into the ropes. Myers then goes down via a shoulderblock, screwing up his momentum. #2 follows up with a flying senton, before tagging in #1. #1 with an assorted variety of punches and kicks, and this lowkey offence has little effect on Myers, and he starts pounding back!
Myers ends up flooring #1 with a clothesline, then tags Deaton in for the first time. Deaton manages to hit a DDT, then climbs up to the top rope. Just like Hack earlier, Deaton blows the top rope manouveur, in this case, a flying cross body press. More right hands from the Headhunter, and Joel then gets tossed to the floor. Where'd that road sign come from? I don't know where it came from, but I know where it's going : Right on Deaton's head. Deaton gets nailed with it four more times, and why isn't the ref stopping this? Regardless, #1 ends up rolling Joel back into the ring, but instead of covering, he tags #2 back in.
Now I remember why I dumped the Headhunters the last time. Constantly writing '#1' and '#2' gets really irritating. To take a brief break from this repetitive stuff, the Raw directors cut to brief clips of the Rock winning the Intercontinental Title back on May 17th. In a rare defence, Maivia will be defending tonight against Goldust in our main event.
Back to the match, and Headhunter #2 is currently kicking Hack's ass. #1 enters the ring, and the two proceed to nail Myers with a double DDT. Bodyslam from #1, then a legdrop. Oh, let's just get this over with. #1 with the moonsault.
The Head Hunters defeated Hack Myers and Joel Deaton when Head Hunter #2 pinned Deaton with the Moonsault in 0:04:52. Rating: 1/2*
The Headhunters pick up the comeback win, and Deaton ain't happy. He enters the ring and starts laying the boots into Myers. WHAT THE FUCK ARE THESE JOBBERS DOING?! GET THE HELL OFF MY TV! We cut away from this *angle* to see clips of the main event of the King Of The Ring, Steve Austin versus Jeff Jarrett.
** As Jarrett gets the undivided attention of the referee, Michaels helps Austin up to his feet. Then he Superkicks him! Austin is unconscious as Michaels starts to walk away. Bart Gunn comes over to where Austin lies and Bart gives Shawn a questionable look. Michaels simply shrugs his shoulders and walks out. Gunn tosses Austin into the ring, as Jarrett ends his conversation with the referee. The champion sets up for the figure four, but when he looks down at Austin he see's it isn't neccessary. He hooks the leg- **
Austin screwed Michaels out of *his* title shot on June 1st, and Shawn came back and did the same three weeks later at KOTR. On July 19th, one man is gonna put the other out of contention until next year. Live and exclusive on pay-per-view!
Marc Mero had brief comments to make concerning In Your House.
Mero : 'July 19th at In Your House, I see 'Marvelous' Marc Mero's getting the shaft. I own two victories over the champion, and yet instead of getting a straight title shot, I get stuck in with two other guys? That's bullshit. But, there's an upside. I get to take out Adam Bomb, just like I did before, and I also get to kick Sid's seven foot ass, and take out that lowlife Fit Finlay. You say I'm not worth your breath Finlay? Well, you may be taking your *last* breaths after Sunday night. July 19th is gonna be Marc Mero's night!'
[Commercials]
Vader is on hand.
Vader : 'Stevie. Stevie Ray! You want. To feel the power of Vader? At In Your House, you can feel the power of Vader. You can feel the power of Vader, ripping your skin to shreds. You can feel the power of Vader, breaking every bone in your body. A little cut on your head like tonight, that's gonna feel like heaven compared to what I'll do to you. You got your match with Vader, now you can pay your price. It's Vader time!'
Vader/Stevie Ray. That's gonna be one for the workrate freaks. Pierre Oulette's making his way to the ring at this point, which means it's time for
Billy Gunn vs Pierre Oulette
Wasn't the world just waiting for *this* one? Actually it's a pretty good match. Back and forth to start, as both men spend the first thirty seconds or so trading fists. Both men hammer the hell out of each other until Oulette breaks this deadlock with a boot to the chest. Gunn doubles over, and Pierre starts hammering onto Gunn's back with his elbow. Whip into the buckle, and Oulette then charges in after him with a clothesline. Right hands in the corner. Oulette... is... moving... so... slowly. Snap mare from the MDO member, then an abdominal stretch is applied, but Gunn ends up breaking the hold by flipping Oulette over his head. Now Gunn's getting in to it. Numerous right hands, then he floors Pierre with a lariat!
Oulette rolls to the outside, but Gunn decides to follow him out. Gunn rakes the eyes, then beats the hell out of Pierre on the floor. Whip into the guardrail has Oulette holding his back in pain. Suplex attempt is blocked, but Pierre is unable to reverse it to his advantage, but does end up taking control by flooring Gunn with a hard uppercut. Now it's Billy's turn to go into the guardrail, and Oulette seems to enjoy this, whipping Gunn into the steel *five* times. Luckily the referee is a pretty slow counter, and the match continues on way past a regular ten count. Gunn goes headfirst into the steps before the referee *finally* reaches nine, and Oulette decides to roll his opponent back into the ring.
Then he throws him back out again! Running somersault plancha from Pierre! Gunn gets hit square, but both men are down on the floor as we cut to a break.
[Commercials]
When we come back, Pierre flies off the top rope, nailing Gunn right in the jaw with a forearm. Cover gets nothing more than a one count. Whip into the buckle, chops from Oulette. Into the other buckle, and Pierre goes to charge in after, but Gunn raises his boot and nails Oulette in the face. Gunn's still dazed though and can't come out of the corner. Oulette charges in again, another boot to the face! Gunn, who was on the recieving end all through the commercial break, finally begins fighting back. Right hand after right hand, whip into the ropes, DDT!
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And Oulette's out. Gunn's in control though, moments later, he nails a superplex for another close count. Rocker dropper!
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Oulette looks in real trouble now! Flying clothesline from Gunn!
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Foot on the rope! Oulette is staggering. Gunn whips him into the buckle, but when he tries to follow through with a clothesline, Pierre pulls the ref in front of him! The referee's down! Gunn with a bulldog! He covers again, and this time Pierre's out cold. There's no one to count though, and now Brian Adams is running down the aisle! He goes up top, then comes down and nails Gunn on the back of the head with a flying legdrop! He rolls Oulette on top of Gunn, then goes over and revives the referee.
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Pierre Oulette pinned Billy Gunn with the Cannonball in 0:07:14. Rating: ** 1/2
Gunn was robbed! Gunn was jobbed! Adams and Oulette leave the scene armsraised as Gunn slowly gets to his feet in the ring. I guess Adams owes Gunn one after Gunn knocked him out of the King Of The Ring.
Promotional Considerations
These have been the WWF Promotional Considerations
So now it's time to get an update on Austin. JR has audio linkup with a Dr. Nick Menza.
Ross : 'Dr Menza, I wonder if you could tell us, is Austin gonna be ready for In Your House?'
Menza : 'Mr Ross, I wish I could give you some information on Austin's condition, but I can't! He was brought here earlier this afternoon after complaining of severe chest pains, and we were all ready to start doing some tests tonight.'
Ross : 'So why haven't you?'
Menza : 'You didn't hear? Austin stormed out of the hospital about anhour ago! He told me he was going to watch Raw in the tv room, next thing I know he's pushing past me in the corridoor, making his way to the exit! I tried to go after him, but he was in his 4 by 4 and driving away before I could get close!'
Ross : 'My god, Nick, thanks for your time.'
Aye Carumba!
Still to come tonight, the Intercontinental Title is gonna be on the line, as Rocky Maivia defends against Goldust. Quite how Dustin warrants a title shot I'm not sure, but that's what's going down. The Rock had these comments to make.
Rock : 'Well the Rock is just minutes, and The Rock means *minutes*, away from his WWF Intercontinental match, and The Rock feels like this : Goldust, you cross dressing, Rock wanting, Gold wearing, freak ass son of a bitch, The Rock is quite appalled that valuable ring space is gonna have to be shared with a piece of trash like yourself. Tonight, you freak, it ain't gonna be the Rocky Horror Picture Show, it's gonna be the Rocky *Maivia* Picture show, and this title belt, it's staying right round the Rock's waist.'
About seventy cards in, and that's the first Rocky Horror reference. Why did it take so long? Let's do the time warp, back to April 30th.
WWF Flashback : Sponsored by Artline
It's Chetti though who is in control at the six minute mark, as Owen Hart arrives at ringside. Hart grabs a chair from the announce position and goes to hit Chetti as he gets whipped into the ropes. Chetti however, reverses the whip and sends Juventud into the ropes, causing Owen to accidentally whack Guerra. The referee obviously didn't see this, as he counts to three after Chetti small packages Guerra up.
Chris Chetti defeated Juventud Guerra in 7-10 (.75*)
(Chris Chetti won the WWF Cruiserweight Title)
Juventud GuerrERa (I guess I might as well start spelling it right after all this time) will be returning to WWF TV this Thursday night on Thunder, as the cruiserweight division is slowly being brought back to life. With the return of Rey Mysterio Jr at the pay-per-view, things are gonna start to become a little bit more active.
I'm filled with patriotism as Davey Boy heads to the ring, and I'm filled with Pepsi as Triple-H makes his entrance.
The British Bulldog vs Hunter Hearst Helmsley
The boos are loud for Helmsley, and the crowd is well behind Smith as the two lock-up. Hunter takes the early upperhand, whipping Davey Boy into the ropes then flooring him with a dropkick. As the Bulldog gets back up to his feet, Hunter gives a crotch chop to the crowd, drawing more negative heat. Lock-up number two, Smith with a rake to the eyes. Numerous right hands from the Bulldog, then he clotheslines Helmsley to the floor!
Smith follows him out, but Hunter's back on his feet and hits Smith with a forearm to the back as he climbs down. More forearms from Helmsley, but when he goes to whip Smith into the guardrail, it get's reversed and Hunter goes in hard. The Bulldog then gorilla press slams Triple-H onto the concrete floor! Helmsley holds his back in agony, but there's no recovery time allocated here as Smith picks him up and tosses him back into the ring.
Smith sends Hunter into the ropes, then gives him a huuuuge backdrop to the canvas. Scoop slam, then Bulldog covers for the first time in the match, getting just one. Helmsley gets sent into the buckle, and Bulldog then executes the old ten right hands in the corner routine, the crowd chanting along. Armdrag into mid-ring, and Davey then locks on a reverse chinlock to slow things down. Smith eventually releases the hold, and starts stomping on Hunter. Helmsley takes another ride to the ropes, then finds himself victim of a swank dropkick.
After a rather weary series of right hands and kicks in the corner, Davey places Helmsley up on the top turnbuckle. Attempting a superplex, Hunter manages to block the first time, but at the second attempt he goes crashing to the canvas. Bulldog gets only a two count to his surprise, and he debates the count with the referee. For shame Bulldog, as this loses him the advantage. Hunter gets up to his feet and knees Smith from behind as we cut to commercial.
[Commercials]
I slept during the break, and I had a dream. In this dream, I was writing a card, and it suddenly dawned to me that I would never, ever, finish it. It would just go on and on and take eternity. Then I realised it wasn't a dream at all, and continued to write this boring match report.
As we come back from the break, Hunter's got Smith in an armbar and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Mmph, sonofa... gottakill... bastard... silverstone... baby... huh? Oops, I guess I dozed off. The referee asks Smith several times if he wants to quit, but Davey just looks at him with mild amusement and says "It's only a freakin' armbar!" Hunter was apparently working over the arm during the break. Luckily the commercials were there to stop some unwanted psychology being seen. Helmsley with a kneedrop off the ropes, but Smith gets his shoulder up from the resulting cover at two.
Helmsley tosses Smith to the floor, and starts choking Davey Boy with a tv cable. Hey Jean, snap it so this show can be cancelled and we can watch re-runs of the Little Rascals instead! Instead, he just wraps it around Smith's neck until the referee threatens a dee-queue (Yes, I've resorted to wacky spellings to keep myself interested). Helmsley sends Smith headfirst into all sorts of ringside objects, including the steps, the posts, the tables, and award winning writer Harper Lee, whose finest hour was writing the novel 'To Kill A Mockingbird'.
So I've got my English essay on my mind, want to make something of it?
Smith gets right back into this match though, as Hunter stupidly goes for a vertical suplex on the outside. Doh. Bulldog reverses and both men fall down on the concrete. Second double countout of the night? Fortunately no, as Smith rises to his feet, then picks Helmsley up and rolls him into the ring. Bulldog whips Hunter into the corner, and oops, mind that referee. Down he goes. Smith, the big oaf, decides to turn all his attention now to reviving the ref, so he doesn't notice Hunter leaving the squared circle and...
...Coming back in with a chair. KA-WHACK! Holy chairshot to the head Batman! Bulldog's out, and now it's Hunter's turn to try and get the ref up. Booker T in the house! Hooo! OGB Baby! With the referee still not showing signs of life, Booker enters the ring, grabs the discarded chair, then pastes Hunter with it! Booker then jumps out of the ring, pausing only to pull Smith over Helmsley's unconscious body. *Now* the referee's showing signs of movement, and makes a slow-
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[Commercials]
Only kidding.
3
Davey Boy Smith pinned Hunter Hearst Helmsley in 0:10:04. Rating: ** 1/2
Bulldog gets the win, but he and Helmsley are still out in the ring. While these two are revived, let's cut to a
[Warning : Video Montage! From this past week on Thunder : Steve Austin and Shawn Michaels arrange a one on one match ; The MDO attacks Austin in his dressing room ; Austin beats up some medical guy ; Mabel belly to belly suplexes Austin in the ring ; Michaels pins Mabel with the superkick.]
We'd hoped to get an interview with Goldust at this point in the show, but his dressing room's been locked since he arrived earlier tonight. Hmmm.
2001 Space Oddysey? Whoo!
Camera cuts to the entrance, but nothing. Where's the champ? All eyes then turn to the Titantron, where we find that there's been a camera placed inside a limosuine, where Bart Gunn and Jeff Jarrett are currently drinking down champagne. Jarrett raises his glass to the camera.
Jarrett : 'So glad you can join us. I just got my driver to stop the car, so we could say a few words. I guess we're having a little celebration here. Seems like Steve Austin had a little accident. [Jarrett and Gunn laugh] Maybe he won't even make it to In Your House? [more laughing] So we thought we'd pop into my limo, grab some champagne, and then hit the town. Hey Bob! You could be here too, on top of the world, if you weren't such a jabronie piece of crap. I know you can't afford anything like this yourself, and now I guess you're days of palming off of Jeff Jarrett are over now. That's enough. I just thought I'd say a quick hello to all my fans out there in tv land, so- Unless you had anything to add Bart?'
Gunn : 'I got nothing to add, I'm fine. Hell Jeff, I'm top of the world.'
Jarrett : 'Top of the damn world. This has been Bart Gunn, and the WWF Champion Jeff-'
Suddenly there's a knock on the limosuine door closest to Jarrett.
Jarrett : 'huh?'
Jarrett opens the door, and Austin nails him in the face with a right hand! Austin climbs in the back and starts hammering on Jarrett as Bart Gunn jumps out of the door on the other side! Austin is hammering away on the champ in the backseat as Gunn looks on from outside.
Gunn : 'What the hell, I thought you were injured?'
Austin : 'Hell yeah, but there ain't no hospital that's gonna keep me from kicking this guy's ass. [punch on Jarrett] I been following you pieces o' trash for an hour [punch on Jarrett].'
Gunn looks to his right and sees the Austin 3:16 truck.
Gunn : 'Doh.'
Austin pulls Jarrett out of the car, and we get a good look at the surroundings. Why'd Jarrett stop the limo at a gas-station? Steve rams Jarrett's head into the petrol pumps, as Bart jumps back into the limo and shuts the doors. We cut to the camera inside the limo:
Bart : '[To the driver] Drive. Now!'
Jarrett's limosuine drives off, with Austin meanwhile beating the shit out of Jeff at Hapscombs Gas Station in Queens, New York. Life's tough being the champ.
[24 Karat Pictures Present]
[A Shattered Dreams Production]
[Goldust]
We're back in the arena, as Goldust heads to the ring. Could this be only the second time the Intercontinental Title changes hands on Raw?
'Do you smell what The Rock is cookin'?'
WWF Intercontinental Championship
The Rock [c] vs Goldust w/Marlena
It's main event time baby!
Well, on we go, with an awkward heel versus heel matchup. Goldust starts the match with a self body-fondle, then hits the blown kiss of doom in the direction of the champ. Rocky follows that with an eyebrow raise, a muscle flex, and a pointing of the finger. Goldust gets right back into this contest by zipping his suit halfway down, but Rock fights back by shouting about laying the smack down on his opponents ass. Scared, Goldust jumps through the ropes to the floor and gets a hug from Marlena.
Dustin seems pretty hesitant to return to the ring, but does so when the referee's count hits nine. Finally we get the lockup, but when Rock ends up shoving him right down to the canvas, Goldust decides he'll just go and slip back to the outside again. Sheesh. I just checked the ratings and we're getting killed by a Bruise Cruise Promo. Rocky's had enough of this, and he follows the challenger out. Oh look, Goldust's running away. And now we've got a slightly embarrasing looking chase around the ring. Eventually Goldust slides back into the ring, then catches Rock with a knee to the chest as Maivia follows him in. Are we gonna get an actual wrestling match now? Three minutes in?
Goldust knees Maivia again, then whips him into buckle. He charges in after, but Rocky raises his boot to Goldust's face! Another charge, Rock boots him again. Dustin's staggering, and Rocky then sends him down to the canvas with a lariat. Maivia covers, but only gets two as Goldust puts his foot on the ropes. The champ pulls him up to his feet, sends him into the corner, but Goldust ends up grabbing the ropes and pulling himself out to the floor. And now Goldust's leaving! He walks off down the aisle and disappears behind the curtains, where he gets met by...
Mabel, who clocks him with a right hand as soon as Goldust steps backstage. From there it's the move which put Austin, temporarily at least, in hospital, the belly to belly suplex, before Mabel tosses him back through the curtains into the aisle. Apparently The Ref was too busy talking with The Rock to count Goldust out, and Maivia is free to retrieve Dustin and for the match to continue. Rock bashes Goldust against the railings, then drags him back to the ring. Million Dollar Elbow!
1...
2...
Kickout. Rocky goes to the reverse chinlock as JR announces that this coming week on Thunder there'll be a ten man battle royal. The winner gets an Intercontinental Title shot at In Your House. In so far : Owen Hart, Savio Vega, Davey Boy Smith and Fit Finlay. Maivia lets the hold go, and moments later hits a backspin DDT. Two count, but a whip into the ropes later, Rock has Goldust set up for the Rock Bottom! Elbow to the side of the head from Goldust averts it at the last moment. Rocky goes for it again, but this time a kick to the groin puts a halt to it. Maivia falls to the canvas in agony, and now both men are down. Eventually Goldust gets up first, and slowly climbs the turnbuckles as Maivia stuggles up to his feet himself.
Goldust comes off the top with a flying clothesline, but Rocky pulls the ref in the way! Hebner's down! Goldust turns to the ref, but Maivia spins Goldust round, and hits the Rock Bottom! Cover, no ref, and it's all Rock's fault! Hey, wait a minute. Who's this guy? We've got a second Goldust in the ring! Instead of facepaint he's wearing a mask though, but Rocky doesn't have too much time to think about detail, as this newcomer plants him with a DDT! Goldust #2 rolls Goldust out of the ring, then turns back around and covers Maivia! The ref starts to awake, and in his dazed and blurry eyed state, he doesn't notice that the guy covering isn't exactly the same guy as before. He counts-
1...
2...
3
New Champion!
I *think*.
Goldust pinned Rocky Maivia after a DDT in 0:05:28. Rating: **
(Goldust won the WWF Intercontinental Title.)
This week on Thunder:
Juventud Guerrera vs Psychosis
10 Man Battle Royal
Bart Gunn vs Billy Gunn