2001 Space Odyssey? Whoo!

This is a blockbuster of a Raw tonight, with a huge main event. Live here tonight : Steve Austin and The New Age Outlaws versus Jeff Jarrett and The New Midnight Express. Let's go straight to the ring.

The world champion heads to the ring by himself, kicking off this extended edition of Monday Night Raw. He gets ready to speak into his microphone when-

Kee-rash!

And now Austin heads to the ring. We're less than a fortnight away from Summerslam, and it looks like we'll get another face to face showdown between the two main eventers.

Jarrett : 'Hey, get the hell outta here Austin. This is *my* time.'

Austin gets a microphone conveniently handed to him.

Austin : 'Well hell, I figured anything you say right now, relates
          to me, so I figured I might as well hear it first hand.
          Jackass.'

Jeff looks pissed at that, but continues on anyway.

Jarrett : 'Very well. It seems we've got a six man tag match tonight.
           Seems like you're teaming up with those two idiot
           Outlaws, against the WWF's championship triple-threat. And
           let me tell you Austin, it's gonna be *legendary*.'

Austin shakes his head.

Austin : 'Legendary? To me, I see it being nothing more than me
          whooping your ass, while you cheat like all hell. Hell,
          I've seen that, and been there countless times before. I
          just figured, maybe at Summerslam, you'd have the balls to
          take on Steve Austin like a man.'

Jarrett : 'Like a *man*? Steve, I'm *all* man. And I 'whooped' *your*
           ass at King Of The Ring, don't you be forgetting that.
           It's gonna be deja vu all over again at Summerslam, and-'

Austin : 'So you're saying you *won't* fight me like a man? One on
          one?'

Jarrett hesitates.

Jarrett : 'I'm saying I'm gonna beat your ass into the ground-'

Austin : 'Is that a yes or no jackass? You keep your little
          Midnight Express away from the ring at Summerslam, we'll
          see if you really are the champ you *say* you are.'

Jarrett : 'At King Of The-'

Austin : 'I don't give a damn about no King Of The Ring! Am I gonna
          have to beat a straight answer outta ya? 'Cos Stone Cold is
          gonna get his fair title shot, and he's gonna take that
          world title, bottom line!'

Jeff paces about for a few seconds. Not sure why.

Jarrett : 'You want Jeff Jarrett one on one?'

Austin : 'All I want.'

Jarrett : 'You want it?'

Austin : 'That's what I want, deaf stupid son of a bitch.'

Jarrett : 'If it'll shut your redneck mouth up here tonight, then
           fine! August 16th Austin, no Bart Gunn, no Bob Holly, it'll
           be straight up. Just you, me and the referee, and I'll
           *prove* that this belt is mine for a reason. Now if that's
           all you want, then get the [Language Jeff, please] outta
           here!'

Austin turns and leaves back down the aisle, as Jarrett shines the world title belt that's around his waist with his free hand.

Jarrett : 'Yeah, [Language Jeff, please] off Austin. I'll see you
           later tonight, you better believe that. Six man tag, you
           ain't even gonna *make it* to Summerslam. Now the New
           Age Outlaws, they ain't gonna make it to the
           pay-per-view either. I hear on Thunder that they've been
           given the title shot on August 16th. Well Billy, Jesse, I
           hope you take a lesson from tonight, 'cos after the New
           Midnight Express finish beating you from one side of the
           ring to the other, the *last* thing you'll want to do is
           face the champions at Summerslam. All the people here in
           this braindead state, I hope you enjoy what you see tonight,
           because in two weeks time, you'll be paying thirty dollars
           to see the exact same thing. I'll still be the champ, and
           ain't nobody taking those tag belts from the Express,
           hahaha. Ain't I great? Whoo!'

Nice squeezing in of the catchphrases at the end there Jeff. The champ makes his exit, and my god, we've got a packed show tonight. In addition to tonight's huge six man main event, New Intercontinental Champion The Rock will take on Booker T, Owen Hart will face Triple-H, Vader will meet Goldust, The Hardyz will make their return to the WWF after a brief absence, and a ton of other stuff.

Ross and Lawler speculate on whether Austin and the Outlaws will prove to be a cohesive unit. We get to see footage from before the KOTR pay-per-view, as Steve Austin suffered his most embarrasing WWF loss, to one Jesse Jammes. Will Austin put past differences aside, like Shawn
Michaels did? I guess we'll find out later on. Austin didn't seem too worried earlier though.

This past week on Thunder, Marty Jannetty continued his insta-feud with the mDo, as he took on Brian Adams. Let's go back to Thursday night.

" Vega pulls Jannetty up off of Adams, then nails him with a spinning heel kick! Commence mDo beatdown. Crush and Savio both take turns stomping on the laid out Jannetty, until... Hooo! 'Hacksaw' Jim Duggan hits the ring! 2x4 in hand, Duggan clears the ring of Adams and Vega, as they make a hasty retreat. Hacksaw helps Marty up to his feet, and the two shake hands..."

It's our opening contest, Brian Adams vs 'Hacksaw' Jim Duggan! But first, Adams had these comments to make earlier today.

Adams : 'Hey Hacksaw, you just got here, so I guess you don't yet
         know that it's pretty damn stupid to interfere in mDo
         business. This other newcomer Jannetty, we got him in line,
         but Duggan, me and Savio don't take too kindly to your
         intervention. But I could talk all night, and I know you
         can't understand a damn word you I say, retard, so I'm gonna
         let my fists do the talking. Duggan, I'm gonna end your WWF
         career, tonight!'

We'll be back.

To the ring!

Jim Duggan vs Brian Adams [w/Savio Vega]

Forewarning : This match garned the worst rating I can ever recall a WWF match ever getting. But who cares about ratings? Oh oh, someone’s just filed a lawsuit against the poor quality of this match, just five seconds in. They want one hundred and ten million dollars?! As we watch Duggan and Adams trade punches and kicks for sixty seconds, I start to realise that the lawsuit actually has some grounds.

Anyway, Adams controls most of the match, generally beating Duggan from pillar to post with little offence from Hacksaw. But then, dun da da duh, Duggan makes a big comeback. Duggan starts pounding on Crush, but when attempting to bounce off the ropes, Duggan gets tripped by Savio. Hacksaw gets up and turns to face Vega, and gets rolled up by Adams!

Brian Adams pinned Jim Duggan in 0:06:09.
Rating: -**** 1/2

Yeah, I know that was a very brief match report, but it was a really, really bad match. Adams and Vega begin a beatdown on Duggan, before Marty Jannetty runs down the aisle! Hey, d'ya think we're building up to some kind of tag match here? Jannetty nails Savio with a dropkick, clotheslines Adams to the mat, then-

'Do You Smell What The Rock Is Cookin'?'

Intercontinental Champion in the house. Marc Mero, Mabel and Pierre Oulette follow closely behind. Marty turns his back on Adams and Vega as Rocky embarks on a slow walk to the ring, and he promptly gets nailed from behind. He's soon back on his feet though, Maivia decides to execute a Rock Bottom upon his arrival, and one soon gets delivered to Duggan as well. Rock takes a mic.

Rock : 'San Diego California, it's August, and it's the Million
        Dollar summer. Marty Jannetty, you candyass piece of trash,
        you're the last person that's gonna be running in on the mDo
        tonight. Tonight, the mDo is gonna be six strong, all the
        time, if you smell what the Rock is cookin'!'

Pretty lame interview there Rocky. I guess we can expect some kind of solidarity between the mDo tonight. When was the last time Maivia was even *seen* alongside the rest?

We're backstage. Jeff Jarrett's on his way back to his dressing room, when Fit Finlay makes an appearance.

Finlay : 'Jeff! You son of a bitch, where the hell's my money?'

Jarrett : 'Get the fuck outta my face, Finlay. You didn't meet up
           to the requirements of the deal pal.'

Finlay : 'What? Gimme a damn break Jarrett, I nailed Austin in the
          aisle, right before your eyes.'

Jarrett : 'Yeah, in the goddamn aisle. That was way too late. That
           son of a bitch dragged me through half the backstage area,
           that wasn't what I had in mind, and if *you'd* done the job
           I asked you to, it *never* would've happened! You
           should've taken out Michaels too, you dumb fuck.'

Finlay puts his hands on his hips and shakes his head.

Finlay : 'You lying son of a bitch. Let me tell you something. You
          just made a deadly enemy Jarrett.'

Jarrett makes a Scott Hall esque 'Ooh, I'm really scared' face as Finlay leaves. We cut to footage from Thunder ten days ago, as Booker T attacked Triple-H during his match with Chris Chetti. Then more old footage, from a week ago, as Helmsley costs Harlem Heat a tag team title shot. Then we get teleported to the interview area backstage, where Booker T is standing by.

Booker : 'Last week, I issued a challenge to Triple-H, and he
          never responded verbally. After the tag match, he finalised
          the deal, he signed his ass over to Booker T, and the
          challenge *will* be accepted. But Hunter, you got the win
          at In Your House, so when we meet again, *you* can choose
          any type o' match you want. Cage match, ladder match,
          whatever you want, just as long as you realise, I'm gonna
          beat your ass in it. And it's gonna be a sweetened deal,
          because at Summerslam, we'll be fighting over the
          Intercontinental title. Rocky Maivia? Your ass is going
          down too, and your belt is going round my waist,
          *guaranteed*!'

After the Break : Stevie Ray takes on 'Marvelous' Marc Mero, and Fit Finlay meets Savio Vega.
 

Vader : 'Sycho Sid! You talk about being the master, you talk about
         playing games! The Man They Call Vader ain't playing no
         games! On August 16th, it's my powerbomb against *your*
         powerbomb, and Sycho Sid, *you're* the one going down!'

Short and sweet.

'Yes Yes Yes... No No No...'

Stevie Ray heads to the ring, not accompanied by Booker T. Surprising, considering-

'Ahahaha... Money Money Money Money...'

- considering that the entire mDo is accompanying Mero to the ring.

Stevie Ray vs 'Marvelous' Marc Mero

Ray gets distracted right away by the five men surrounding the ring, and Mero attacks him from behind to kick this match off. Mero goes to quickly send Stevie into the buckle, but Ray reverses and Mero goes in hard! Stevie goes for an avalanche, but Mero raises his knee in time, and Ray falls to the canvas. Vertical suplex from Mero, but Stevie pops right up! Hey, I don't remember no-selling being in Stevie's contract. Mero has more effect with a quick lowblow, and *that* keeps Ray down.

Clothesline from the Marvelous One, and a dropkick then sends Stevie to the floor. Wait, didn't Mero have something he wanted to discuss with the referee? Mero makes sure to explain things to Chiota very carefully, as the mDo teams up five against one against Stevie on the outside. Oulette ends up rolling Ray back into the ring before the referee becomes any wiser to these shady shenanigans, and Mero keeps control of the match. Mero with a series of generic jabs, then he sends Stevie's head into the turnbuckle.

Mero continues the lowkey offence, then executes a DDT for the first two count of the match. Marc with a cross corner whip, but then in a reverse of what took place earlier, Stevie blocks an avalanche clothesline with a boot to Mero's face. Clothesline from Ray, and now Mero's on the mat for the first time! Short elbowdrop, and Stevie then sends the wannabe European champ for the ride. Mero comes off the ropes, and straight into a bearhug!

After having the life squeezed out of him for near thirty seconds, Mero starts to punch his way out of the hold, though it's his second lowblow of the night that does the trick. Ray falls down in pain, and Mero quickly rolls on top, puts his feet up on the ropes, and that's it.

Marc Mero pinned Stevie Ray in 0:04:17.
Rating: -** 1/2

Ray gets booted out of the ring, as the mDo enters the ring. Everyone congratulates Mero, it's one big happy family. One big crappy workrate family. The second minus rating of the night? Hmmm, looks like they're gonna be hanging around in the ring for a bit, as Savio Vega is set for action in our next match. We cut away to Michael Cole with the New Age Outlaws.

Cole : 'I'm here with the New Age Outlaws, and Roadog, how do you
        feel about stepping into the ring alongisde StoneCold Steve
        Austin tonight?'

Jammes : 'Well hell, I saw you showed the footage from two months ago,
          it ain't a lie to say we ain't seen eye-to-eye. So yeah, you
          can get a little apprehensive.'

Gunn : 'The fact of the matter is, we want a piece of the tag champs,
        and Austin wants Jarrett. The way things are, there should be
        no problems at all.'

Jammes : 'Austin? I hope we're on the same page.'

The Outlaws leave the area, as we return to ringside.

Fit Finlay is on his way to ringside, but before this match gets underway, we cut backstage again, to Jeff Jarrett's dressing room. As always, Jarrett's with the New Midnight Express.

Jarrett : 'Right guys, you saw me talking with Finlay earlier? Now
           both of you know, *nobody* speaks to Jeff Jarrett like
           that.'

Bart : 'Sure, we know that.'

Jarrett : 'Damn straight. The Irish bastard's on the way to the ring
           right now, I want you two to go beat the crap outta his
           ass. You hear me? I've got other things to attend to right
           now, but that idiot ain't getting away with speaking to
           the champ like that. Get to it.'

Savio Vega vs Fit Finlay

We're underway, and Finlay just clocked Vega with a roundhouse right. He then takes him to the corner for some chopping work, then an armdrag to the canvas leads into an armbar. Mat wrestling from the Irishman, before Vega breaks Fit's hold with a rake to his eyes. Savio with a whip into the ropes, but Finlay ducks a clothesline, then sends Vega down with one of his own on the return. Fit starts to climb to the top turnbuckle, but then the New Midnight Express run in and attack!

Fit Finlay defeated Savio Vega by disqualification in 0:01:11.
Rating: 1/2*

Bart and Bob commence stomping, but it doesn't last long. See, there's a bunch of guys at ringside who aren't too happy about that interference. The mDo enter the ring, and basically ask the NME what the hell they think they're doing? A few shoves from the Rock later, and the Express make a run for it.

We're back. The Rock is currently pacing around the backstage area, he seems to be looking for the NME. They must have ran away fast, 'cos Rocky seems to be having problems finding th- Oh, there they are.

Rock : 'You roody-poo sons of bitches!'

Bart : 'Hey Rock. What's up?'

Rock : 'The Rock is gonna raise a million dollar eyebrow, look at you through these million dollar eyes, open his million dollar mouth, and tell you to stay outta million dollar business!'

Bob : 'It's about dollars huh? Well how about this...'

We cut away before we can hear what Holly was about to say, as we go back to the ring for the next match.

The Headhunters vs The Hardy Boyz

The greatest tag team action you'll find anywhere in the world! Maybe not, but with a 90 minute show, we've got to fill the time with *something*. In a cool start, Matt nails #1 with a moonsault bodyblock right away! Quick cover, but there's nothing going there. It's a four man brawl that takes zero time in moving to the floor. The Hardyz control momentarily, sending #2 hard into the guardrail. But a huge double chokeslam onto the concrete from Hunter #1 turns the tide.

Okay, confess. Who put that table under the ring? #1 picks it up and slides it into the ring, tossing Jeff Hardy in after him. Hunter #2 chokes out Matt on the outside, as #1 places Jeff on the table. He goes up top for the Moonsault, but Jeff rolls off the table, and #1 goes crashing in himself. Jeff quickly covers-

1...

2...

3

The Hardy Boyz defeated The Head Hunters when J. Hardy pinned Head Hunter #1 in 0:02:08.
Rating: ** 1/2

Well shit, that was quick. The Hardyz pick up the win, and we go back to one week ago, as Mabel defended his European title against The British Bulldog.

As Smith advances, Pierre tosses the belt into the ring. Mabel
picks it up, and stands waiting for Davey Boy to return to the squared
circle. Before he does though, Owen Hart runs down the aisle and into the
ring! Hart taps Mabel on the shoulder, the champ turns round, and has the
belt snatched out of his grasp. One hard shot with the European title
later, and Mabel is out cold.

Davey Boy Smith is the NEW European Champion, but Smith's partner Owen wasn't too successful in taking the *Intercontinental* title that night. After Raw this past week, the following exchange took place, as seen on Thunder.

Hart : 'Hey man, what was that all about? I ran in there, got
        you the European title... Where were you during my match?'
Bulldog : 'I thought you had it won! You had the Sharpshooter locked on.'
Hart : 'Uh-huh. I guess you were too self absorbed about winning
        your title, you didn't give a damn about your partner huh?'
Bulldog : 'Come on Owen-'
Hart walks off, not happy. Smith looks pretty upset too.

Owen Hart is backstage with Michael Cole.

Cole : 'Owen, we just saw the footage from this past week on
        Thunder. Are there any problems between you and The British
        Bulldog?'

Owen : 'Of course not. Davey Boy's the European Champion, and I
        couldn't be more happy for him. As for the Intercontinental
        title, rest assured, I'll be wearing that title real soon.
        Tonight though, Booker T? Good luck man, I hope you do me a
        favour and take that belt from Maivia, 'cos I'll be doing
        *you* a favour, by beating the hell outta Triple-H. Helmsley?
        You're gonna be my stepping stone to the title.'

Cole : 'Thanks Owen. We'll be back after this commercial break.

But first, we cut to a shot of Goldust. We see him sitting huddled in a corner in some part of the backstage area. No facepaint, and is he *crying*?

Michael Cole's got another guest. Number one contender to the WWF Championship, StoneCold Steve Austin.

Cole : 'Steve, later tonight in the six man tag team match, you'll
        be teaming up with the New Age Outlaws. You've had differences
        with Jesse Jammes before, do you have any problems with
        tonight's match?'

Austin : 'Any problems? Hell, there's no problem, just as long as-'

Whack! The Rock enters the scene via a right hand shot, and he starts stomping on Austin before bashing his head into the nearest wall. Rocky mouths off about it being 'All about the money', before we cut away.

WWF Summerslam 1998 Report
Michael Cole, in a pre-taped spot, runs down the build to Summerslam, with clips from past shows and the like. To sum up, here's the card so far:

01.{WWF Champion} Jeff Jarrett vs Steve Austin
02.{Tag Champions} The New Midnight Express vs The New Age Outlaws
03.Sycho Sid vs Vader
04.Chris Benoit vs Goldust
NEW MATCH!
05.Jim Duggan/Marty Jannetty vs Brian Adams/Savio Vega

It's gonna be one hell of a show, August 16th, only on pay-per-view!
WWF Summerslam 1998 Report

Owen Hart versus Triple-H is next. We get repeated footage of the Booker T/Helmsley match at In Your House, then to the ring.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs Owen Hart

Well, Owen wastes no time getting into this one, nailing a low blow right off the bat, executing a russian legsweep, then going right for the Sharpshooter! He even get's it locked on, but Helmsley quickly gets himself into the ropes. Not long after, Hart goes to nail a flying dropkick, but Hunter gets himself out of the way, and that halts Hart's good start.

Helmsley goes right for the chest, stomping away, then taking Hart down off the ropes with a powerslam. First two count of the match. Hunter takes Owen into the corner, unleashes a barrage of chops, then goes for a cross corner whip that gets reversed. Hunter hits the buckle hard, and Hart follows in with a dropkick into the corner, and Helmsley gets nailed and ducks out of the ring.

As Helmsley paces around ringside for a while, the commentators run down the card for this Thursday night on Thunder. Amongst other things, Hunter will face the British Bulldog for the European title, The Headhunters take on the New Age Outlaws, and Jim Duggan goes one on one against The Rock! Hunter re-enters the ring, and he takes the advantage by kneeing Owen in the chest during the lockup. Clothesline puts Owen down, and a quick kneedrop gets a one count.

Helmsley pulls Hart to his feet again, but gets met with a right hand. Cue slugfest in mid-ring, before Hunter rakes the eyes. Whip into the ropes, but Owen ducks a clothesline on the return, goes into the ropes again, then knocks Helmsley to the canvas with a jumping forearm! Hunter pops up to his feet right away, but Hart then brings him down with an armdrag! Helmsley pops up again, and gets floored by a dropkick. Another spring up, and this time another dropkick from Hart sends Hunter back out to the floor.

He ain't allowed time to recouperate like before though, as Owen soon joins him on the outside. Hart bashes Helmsley's head into the guardrail, then attempts a suplex in the aisle! No go though, as Helmsley blocks. He doesn't reverse though, but still sends Owen down to the floor with a vicious chop. And now, after a brief moment of stalling on Triple-H's part, it's Owen's turn to meet the guardrail. Hunter goes as far as to pick Hart up and drop him neck first onto the railing, before returning to the ring.

For a while, it looks like Helmsley will end up with the countout win, but Hart manages to return to the ring at the referee's eight count. Helmsley takes full control on the inside, nailing punch after punch, then trapping Hart in a series of rest holds that make me wish I hadn't already taken the commercial break for this segment. Pretty yawn-worthy stuff from Hunter, until he executes a double underhook suplex and gets himself a two count. Following this, he goes for a sleeper, but Hart's had enough of selling this crappy offence.

The sleeper gets blocked before it can be properly applied, and Helmsley gets taken down with a back suplex to counter! And now we've got both men down, and it ends up being Hunter who gets vertical first. Owen's only a split second behind though, and when Helmsley tries to throw a roundhouse right Owen's right there to duck it. He ducks and dodges out of the way of another one, then nails Helmsley with an enzirguiri! Cover-

1...

2...

And out. Quickly going to capitalise on his advantage, Hart goes for the Sharpshooter. As Owen gets it half applied, Helmsley grabs on to the referee's shirt, pulling the ref on top of him. Everybody then kinda falls about, but the bottom line is the hold is broken. Hart decides to help the ref up to his feet, and Helmsley then strides up from behind and knees him in the back. Owen goes down, and yep, so does the referee.

And what's this? Why is Hunter fishing around in his tights? This is a pretty vulgar display and- ah, brass knucks. That rat-bastard. Helmsley pulls Owen to his feet, and one hard shot later, Hart is down and out. Hunter covers, sheesh, what an idiot. The referee is still down, and Helmsley now decides to go over and awaken him.

Booker T hits the ring! He jumps in, spins HHH around then delivers an axe kick! A DDT later and now both Hunter and Owen are out. Booker takes a brief second to lay Hart on top of Helmsley, then quickly makes his exit. After an eternity, Chiota crawls over to count the cover-

1...

2...

And Helmsley gets his shoulder up! Hart gets to his feet, but then the mDo hits the ring, and Chiota, with a sudden rushing sense of revitalisation, throws the match out. Bummer, that was one of the best Raw matches in a long time.

Owen Hart defeated Hunter Hearst Helmsley by disqualification in 0:09:41.
Rating: *** 3/4

The mDo [who were represented by Pierre Oulette and Marc Mero make a quick exit once the bell ring, but Owen decides to follow them out. Back in the ring Helmsley gets up to his feet, and now Booker T returns down the aisle. I blink and someone's handed out a bunch of microphones.

Booker : [In the aisle] 'You gonna answer my challenge boy? Any match you want. Name it sucka.'

Triple-H : [In the ring] 'You want another match with *me*? After I almost broke your back at Summerslam? Well that's okay, I put some thought into this earlier, and yeah, I got a match in mind. Summerslam, August 16th, we'll have a *nightstick* match.'

Booker : 'A nightstick match?'

Triple-H : 'A nightstick match. We're gonna get a ladder, hang the nightstick from the ceiling, first one to grab it gets to use it. And you better believe that in Madison Square Garden, I'll beat your black ass NYPD blue!'

Booker : '[shakes his head in disgust] A nightstick match at Summerslam? You got it Hunter, you got it.'

T leaves down the aisle as we cut away to commercial.

But wait, we go backstage to see Steve Austin, bloodied forehead, cursing up a storm. Making threatening remarks about the Rock, Austin bumps into Fit Finlay. Austin tells him he's gonna kill Maivia.

Finlay : 'Nah Austin, let *me* handle it.'
 

We're back, and I guess we have a sixth match for Summerslam. Pencil in Booker T versus Triple-H in a Nightstick match. Whatever happened to Nailz anyway?

Backstage, The Rock is currently dishing out orders to the mDo. Where'd Owen go? Anyway, the gist of it is that Maivia wants them to stay backstage during the IC title match with Booker T, and keep a lookout for Steve Austin. I *knew* that 'mDo sticking together all the time' thing wouldn't last.

'It's time... It's time... It's Vader Time!'

The Rocky Mountain Beast hits the ring, and no, I don't know whether he's a face or not either. Let's just get the Summerslam match with Sid out of the way, *then* we'll attach labels to 'em.

Goldust then hits the ring, but more subdued than the usual entrance. No Marlena, but who cares about *that*? Still no facepaint either. Ding Ding Ding.

Goldust vs Vader

Ouch. This is pretty brutal. Vader destroys Dustin, battering him from one end of the ring to the other, with next to no retaliation from Goldust. Suplexes, splashes, powerbombs, Dustin takes them all. There's no pinfall though, Goldust ends up crawling away out of the ring for the countout loss. What a lousy turnout for what could have been a promising match.

Vader defeated Goldust by countout in 0:03:12.
Rating: 1/4*

Well, that match was certainly... something.

Jeff Jarrett's in his dressing room. Bart and Bob then enter the room, and Jarrett stands up to meet them.

Jarrett : 'So you took Fit Finlay out right? 'Cos otherwise, you wouldn't be here.'

Bart : 'Well, actually Finlay's okay, he's apparently off chasing the Rock.'

Jarrett : 'Why the hell's he going after Maivia? Why didn't you lay the shit outta him like I asked?'

Bart : 'No no, see it's all fine. We arranged for Rocky to take out Austin, and Rocky busted him open good. Forget Finlay.'

Jarrett : 'I presume you promised Maivia money, otherwise he wouldn't do it right?'

Bob : 'Well that works out okay, we can just use the money you didn't pay Finlay in the first place.'

Jarrett : 'Damnit Bob, I can't afford to just toss money around like that, especially not to a worthless piece o' crap like the Rock. I don't want him on my side, I owe him one as it is. But I guess he'll end up pissed at *me*, should he get attacked by that bastard Finlay, so Bart, Bob, do what I told you the damn first time, and go and lay out Finlay!'

The Express leave.

Jarrett : 'Shit, I can't believe they've got me involved with the mDo again.'

'Do You Smell What The Rock Is Cooking?'

Back to ringside, and the Intercontinental Champion starts to make his way towards the squared circle, safe in the knowledge that the mDo is keeping a watch out for Steve Austin and Fit Finlay.

Well, until we get shown footage on the TitanTron of the mDo brawling backstage with Owen Hart, Davey Boy Smith and Adam Bomb! Before the Rock can react to that, he gets nailed by Finlay, who runs out through the curtains into the aisle. Fit's followed not long after by the New Midnight Express, who decide to wait for the right moment before attacking.

Specifically, just *after* Finlay tombstones the IC Champ on the concrete floor. Double-team now from the tag champs on Fit, as the Rock decides to make a slow crawl away back through the curtains, looking in a lot of pain from the Tombstone. Doh, gotta take one last commercial break.
 

Rocky's staggering around backstage and- yuck, there's blood all over his head. First Austin, now Maivia, what's with all this blading? Speaking of Austin, now he's right in the champ's face. Austin grabs him by the neck and shoves him against the wall.

Austin : 'You son of a bitch, I know you ain't got no balls, so who
          put you up to attacking me, jackass?'

Rock : 'J- Ja... [spits out a wad of blood]  Jarrett...'

Austin leaves Maivia to fall to the floor, then walks off in the direction of ringside.

2001 Space Odyssey? Whoo!

The World champion, celebrating his four month anniversary with the title, heads to the ring with the tag champs, who've *also* held their titles for four months. Jarrett grabs a microphone, and is about to speak when he gets cut off by-

'Oh You Didn't Know?'

The New Age Outlaws hit the ring, and we're just about ready to go in this main event. Jarrett throws his mic to the mat, obviously he didn't have anything *that* important to say, and everyone just kinda stands around until-

'Kee-rash'

And well well well, the gang's all here. Austin has a big scar on his forehead [from *one* belt shot?!], and generally just doesn't look happy. It's the PPV-Preview-Match, let's go.

Steve Austin/The New Age Outlaws vs Jeff Jarrett/The New Midnight Express

The bell rings. Everybody takes a few seconds to jaw at each other, before pouncing and beating the hell out of their opponents. Setting the tone, the ref tries to settle things down by getting just two men in the ring, but he gets nailed by the Roadog, and it seems there'll be few rules adhered to in this one.

Jammes goes right for Jarrett, as Bart/Austin and Bob/Billy square off. The faces kick the hell out of their opponents in seperate corners, then simlutaneously whip all three into the centre of the ring, sending Jarrett and the Express bashing into each other! Jarrett rolls to the outside, and gets followed out by Austin, as the the Outlaws continue after the NME.

On the floor, Jarrett grabs himself a chair before Austin can reach him, and he's quick to bash it over the challenger's head. Austin falls to the concrete, executing his second blade-job of the night as the cameras turn to the action in the ring. And it seems that Hebner got to his feet, and that things have settled down. Bart and the Roadog are going at it, with their respective partners standing out on the apron. Jarrett now jumps up to join Holly, as Jammes locks Bart in a side headlock.

Gunn's quick to get out, and he backs Jesse into the corner, fully breaking the hold with a left hand shot to the ribs. Another fist to the mid-section, a rake to the eyes, and Bart then sends one of his Summerslam opponents for a cross corner ride. Reversed though, and Jammes manages to send Bart thudding into the buckle. Clothesline charge attempt by the Roadie, but Gunn raises his boot and Jesse goes down.

Quick cover from Bart, but attention turns to the Jarrett/NME corner, as Austin's to his feet, and he yanks Jeff down to the floor. Right hands from Austin, then a big armdrag puts the world champion down. Holly jumps down from the apron to help, but he gets met with a right hand as well. The referee turns away from the ring action to have a brief rendez-vous with Austin, basically telling that it's a damn tag team match, so get into his damn corner! Jammes is up to his feet on the inside, but, with the referee's attention momentarily elsewhere, Bart hits him with a low blow.

Austin finally does take his position in the Outlaws' corner, as Bart puts Jesse in a headlock, long enough for his teammates to also get back into position. Tag to Holly, and this seems to provoke a quick turn around for the Roadog, as he, probably still pissed over the events at In Your House, starts pounding on the co-tag champ. Jammes with a series of right hands that send Bob down, then he nails that BoogieWoogieKneedrop thing he does. Two count for the Roadie, and now it's time for 'Bad Ass' Billy Gunn's first involvement in the match.

Gunn pulls Holly to his feet and nails him with a roundhouse. Vertical suplex from Billy, turning over into a cover attempt for a one count. Gunn goes for a sleeper, but Jarrett enters the ring and pulls him off, drawing Jammes into the ring to argue. Hebner gets his priorities screwed up and tries to get the Roadog out of the ring, as Jarrett and Holly start to double team BadAss. The champ starts choking Gunn out, but Hebner turns back round and orders him back to the apron before too much damage can be done. Bob with a legdrop off the ropes on Gunn, cover-

1...

2...

And nothing. Holly tags out to Bart, and Bart hits a legdrop of his own. Quick cover gets zilch. Bart with a reverse chinlock on his brother, and still no Austin or Jarrett in the ring so far. Billy breaks out eventually, and manages to force Bart into a neutral corner of the ring. Loud chops from Billy, drawing Whoo's from the crowd. Jarrett looks on annoyed. And now we've got a veritable chop fest going on, as the two brothers start hacking the life out of each other. Bart takes the advantage though with a poke to the eyes, and sends Billy for the ride. Doh Bart, shouldn't have put your head down, as he gets nailed with the RockerDropper!

Holly makes the save, pulling Billy off of Bart. Bob's in no hurry to leave though, as he dishes out a barrage of punches on Gunn, and we quickly get joined by the 2nd New Age Outlaw. Four man brawl in the ring as Jarrett and Austin look on from their respective corners. The referee loses control as the two teams go at it, but all four spill to the floor in a rather contrived quadruple clothesline spot. The NME were laid against the ropes, Jesse and Billy charged, everybody fell out.

And it looks like they're staying out. Ahead of their tag match at Summerslam, the Outlaws and the Express start brawling in the aisle, eventually drifting behind the curtains. The referee won't count them out though, he motions for Austin and Jarrett to enter the ring! Jeff looks about sheepishly as he steps into the ring, not happy about being left alone with Austin, and not happy with the referee's decision to let everybody else go. And he let's the Hebner know about in no uncertain terms, as Austin sneaks up from behind. Steve spins the champ around, boot to the chest, stunner!

1...

2...

Foot on the rope! Jarrett's the first man in [my] WWF history to survive the Stunner! Jeff is god! Jeff is god! Jeff- As Lee stops marking out, Austin gets to his feet, exchanges a few words of his own with Mr. Hebner, then pulls up Jarrett. He whips him into the ropes, then sends him crashing back to the canvas with a clothesline. Elbow from the second turnbuckle. Austin takes it into the corner, and starts dishing out a succession of boots to Jarrett's mid-section.

Enter the mDo.

The Rock leads rest of the group, the bunch of people that nobody who reads this cares about, despite me ramming them down your throats at every given opportunity, towards the ring. It's Savio who enters first, grabbing Austin by the neck and turning him round, then nailing him with that super cool spinning heel kick. Remember when he did it at GroundZero? That was a *deadly* shot. The match gets thrown out as everybody piles on Austin.

The New Age Outlaws and Steve Austin defeated The New Midnight Express and Jeff Jarrett when S. Austin defeated Jarrett by disqualification in 0:08:31.
Rating: 3/4*

And what a beatdown it is. Nobody want to come and make the save? When we see footage on the Titantron of Fit Finlay laid out, with the letters 'mDo' spraypainted on his back [just kidding, he *is* out cold though], then the general consensus is no. Where the hell are the Outlaws? Rocky has a chair, and moments later, Austin's out cold. Jarrett, who'd skipped out of the ring, has a microphone.

Jarrett : 'There you go Austin, there you go. See what happens? You've
           been banging on my door for three months, and finally,
           *you're* the one who's flat on his back, and *I'm* the one
           standing tall. mDo, you can get your asses outta here, kudos
           for the assist, but you're time is done. This is *Jeff
           Jarrett's* time.'

Rocky raises an eyebrow.

Jarrett : 'You deaf *and* stupid? Get the hell outta here, this is
           my moment of glory.'

Jarrett turns away from Maivia to deposit the microphone out of the ring, and when he turns back-

Ka-whack!

Jarrett's out, and Rocky leads the mDo away from the ring as we fadeout.